Kind of Like Dating!

I have lived in North Charlotte for little over a year now and just visited my 8th church. In a city where there are over 400 churches this is becoming a challenging task. Kind of like Dating! So many options - flavors - opportunities - which is wonderful and frustrating all at the same time. Have you ever looked for a church home? What were the things that were important to you - that you valued going into the experience? What were your criteria? Those are the things I am thinking through which is proving to be a character building experience as well as an opportunity for self discovery.   


Over a year ago I lived in Uppsala, Sweden a town of around 125,000 with only a handful of evangelical, orthodox churches. Within a 10 mile radius of my home I have about 10 times that number of options. What to do? Well visiting churches is a must! This is honestly a bit awkward as a single adult - definitely one of the times during the week that I am most aware of my single status when most of the people I am meeting at these churches my age are married with kids. There is the excitement of seeing something new that wears off after the 10th person I introduce myself to and as I sit in a back row usually separated from others by a few seats. At least at this point I get a taste of what a "first- timer" feels like. And then as the service -"show" starts I immediately begin the evaluative process, from what the worship leader looks like to the number of times "I" or "Me" is mentioned in the worship lyrics. With the teaching of the pastor I look to see if he uses the Bible or not - how much time he spends in the text.  I admit I feel the wrestle with self in these moments as I consider what I see and hear and I think I have been spoiled by my previous church home in Knoxville, TN.  Lord help me be discerning in these moments about the character of the church but also to see Christ!  


Visiting churches is somewhat like dating in that you can only learn about a church by "going out" with it - spending time there asking questions about the church - How did current members get involved? What compelled them to stay? What are the things they value most there? Good questions are important whether getting to know someone you are interested in getting to know or inquiring about the life of a church.  The question is, what are the important questions to ask? I think that depends on what you are looking for in a church. A few things I am learning to consider are; is there an emphasis on God's Sovereignty or more of a man-centered approach?  You pick up on this underlying perspective through worship lyrics, the pastor's teaching, and even through the language the members of the church use to speak about their relationship with the Lord. A church in many ways tends to take on the personality of the pastor.  A second consideration is the opportunity for community. It is easy to go to a church without being involved in relationships. You can go ,sit and watch, and leave the service with little interaction with a person. Many churches today emphasize anonymity which could be more comfortable for a "first timer" yet allow for years of church attendance with little community. The church isn't solely responsible for getting it's members plugged into community. There has to be initiative on the part of the individual, but some churches do a better job of facilitating this process.


With so many options, much like the dating scene in a major city like Charlotte, NC, finding a church is a process!  The important thing is to know what you value - what you are looking for - and to get out there and visit around. It's always helpful to ask friends and acquaintances for their suggestions. The unfortunate reality is that many folks including myself will find it hard to commit to a church. Much like the fallacy of "Finding the perfect person" it is near impossible to find the "perfect church". There are many who have visited different churches for years without ever settling down and committing.